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Search Search. Menu Sections. Age of infidelity: modern technology, especially the internet, has made it easier to find no-strings-attached affairs. Present owner does not like going for a ride any more but am not up for sale. Seeking discreet lady mechanic, preferably married, to enjoy some NSA run-outs together. T his advert was posted by John, a year-old married IT manager on a popular dating website favoured by men like him who want no-strings-attached NSA relationships.
I realise it sounds funny to say I care about her, but I do. I am just a bit bored. Quite how many married men and a smaller, but increasing, of women are risking their emotional and physical health in this way is difficult to know, as few people ever tell the truth about their sex lives. However, a British survey last week claimed that more than half of married people admit they are not completely happy in their relationship, and that 59 per cent of wives would leave their marriage if they could afford to do so.
Seemingly trapped by their unhappy domestic situation, eight out of 10 couples will, at some time, be unfaithful to each other. England seems to be in the middle of an infidelity epidemic at present,and Ireland isn't far behind. When you had to go to England to divorce it was almost unheard of; now when people hear about an affair, it is, 'oh, you too.
There have been no recent surveys carried out in Ireland, but Gerry Hickey, counsellor and psychotherapist, believes that infidelity is the most common reason for separation and divorce here. Get the best home, property and gardening stories straight to your inbox every Saturday. Enter address This field is required Up.
Even a NSA is seen as an invasion of the relationship. There are many reasons why more people than ever are having extra-marital affairs. It's partly to do with life's stresses; and to the fact that, with people living longer they are more likely to grow apart or get bored with one another.
Where once, they would have a mid life crisis; and would buy a sports car or wear trendy clothes; now they will have botox injections and work on their physique. An affair seems naturally to follow. At 35 to 55 they are looking to reinvent themselves. Thy tend to look back and think, 'look what I have done for the family? I have sacrificed so much. Viagra and other drugs help men stay sexually active for longer, while women have access to HRT, Botox and cosmetic surgery to keep themselves looking good. And -- thanks to modern methods of communication, such as , mobiles and text messages -- affairs are far easier to run than ever before, at least in practical, if not emotional terms.
Over a five-month period, I spoke to nearly men and women -- all middle-class professionals with good homes, decent jobs and, on the surface, happy families -- who have had extra-marital relationships. It was a random rather than scientific study but it confirmed that there seems to be a seismic shift in people's attitude to adultery. What used to happen and still does to some extent is that an individual met someone, perhaps a colleague or their spouse's best friend, fell for them and as a result had an affair. Now people are more calculating. It has never been easier to find illicit sex, and the adulterous shopper is often spoiled for choice.
Type "discreet relationships'' into Google and an astonishing 1,, websites come up. These include illicitencounters. John has been advertising on two sites with some success over the last nine months. I can pay my mortgage and go on holiday. My children are doing reasonably well at school. My wife works part-time and runs the home. But I want to feel adrenaline running through my body again and only great sex can give me that. I feel really excited when I place my advert. I have opened up a separate so it is unlikely that anyone at work or home can discover it.
I've had a few short-term flings and haven't got it right yet. But it is addictive, so I shall keep trying. You don't know who is going to be out there. Some older men admitted that they have advertised for a sexual playmate to relieve the boredom of early retirement. I can always get some Viagra if I find a much younger woman. I'm still very interested but my wife lost interest in sex long ago. They rarely take ability. It's always 'my wife does not understand me'. All the men I spoke to were careful to take precautions and tried to ensure their wives didn't find out what they were up to.
But they all persisted in the belief that if she did catch them out, she shouldn't take their behaviour seriously. No man wants to swap a meaningless relationship for a marriage. Particularly if it's lasted a long time and you are good friends. It is perhaps the only saving grace of an NSA relationship. If there is a scale of adultery, NSA liaisons surely come nearer the bottom than the top. They are essentially top-ups, a desire for variety and sexual thrill and not intended to break up an established relationship.
An alternative, that simplifies the process for both sexes and saves time, is offered by David Miller, a self-styled businessman turned adulterers' guru. David, 53, runs lovinglinks. It also helps ensure they are respectable. David, who is twice divorced and now "extremely happy and faithful'' in a long-term relationship, likes to think of himself as a cross between a service provider and a social worker. People have these situations and want to deal with them elegantly.
He used to produce TV commercials but 13 years ago decided he wanted a change. I was inundated and it went on from there. He meets each applicant personally and over a drink or two finds out his or her needs and desires. He then provides three carefully chosen individuals at a time for them to choose from. His clients are wide-ranging. Many of my female clients are psychotherapists. I haven't a clue why.
I've even had a woman bring her son-in-law to meet me. She could see that there were things going wrong in [her daughter's] marriage and thought a discreet affair might prevent a break-up. They also want to be able to talk intelligently with whoever they are with and even go out to dinner. They don't want something dirty, nasty or sleazy. They want fun and quality in their life and I try to find it for them. I am a romantic and I want people to be happy. Women can also handle a portfolio of relationships, men can usually only handle one.
And not just because they are so busy. His liaisons are not for the emotionally vulnerable or faint-hearted and should come with a health warning. People get addicted to the buzz and adrenaline rush of new encounters. Re-assurance or tenderness isn't part of the deal. It's a take it or leave it situation, although it's not always expressed in such basic terms. He, and particularly she, also needs to understand the difference between lust and love and try to protect their heart as well as their health -- and that of their spouse. The health risks of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases are well-known, but the risk of psychological damage, particularly for the vulnerable and needy, can be underestimated.
Richard, who runs his own marketing business, shows unwavering confidence in his sexual prowess and has successfully found several casual encounters. He insists his unemotional affairs are saving his marriage rather than putting it at risk.
Like many men he doesn't want a divorce, partly to avoid the financial wrangling and also because he wants to stay close to his children. We are good friends. We have a lot in common, including our children. So having an NSA arrangement suits me fine. I love the excitement of a different body and know for certain that without it my marriage would be over by now. I enjoy the chase and can get very intense when I am after someone new.
I send lots of flirty texts, and s. Women are very susceptible to flattery. Most feel selfconscious about some part of their body and reassurance soon makes her mine. When the sex is good I feel 50 feet tall, confident and relaxed. I get a thrill from chasing new women. I prefer older married women, because they know what they want and have fewer hang ups. Tony, 53, believes he could never be faithful, whoever he married and in whichever century he had been born. I get those passionkillers at home. Instead, I wipe out everything that is going on in my life for a couple of hours.
All they have to do is understand the deal. Sylvia, 43, has a highly paid job, her husband is supportive and they have two children. She entertains at weekends, enjoys luxury holidays twice a year and has lots of time for her friends. It's the glue in any relationship, and if you've been together for a long time you've got to make more effort to keep it interesting. Desperately seeking someone Expand Expand. Close Age of infidelity: modern technology, especially the internet, has made it easier to find no-strings-attached affairs.
Infidelity epidemic: more and more married women are looking for no strings attached sex. Facebook Twitter Whatsapp. Facebook Twitter .Nsa discreet married fun
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