Added: Lilliana Axtell - Date: 10.07.2021 05:00 - Views: 13018 - Clicks: 8378
Posted August 4, Reviewed by Davia Sills. Recently I went to pick someone up at the airport. Ahead of me as I moved through the terminal was an older couple, probably in their 60s. He was walking some 20 feet in front of her. That scene stuck with me because in some ways it seems to sum up the fatigue of long-term relationships. The freshness is gone, there are years of scrapes and struggles and resentments large and small. Just the combination of years, and routines, and taking each other for granted is enough.
How fresh is your commute to work after a few years or even a few months? How much new scenery do you take in? Or your new purse or a new dress? Yet still, I grapple with the question. If there are not five easy steps, then what is there? What does being real and honest and conscious look like as we age with our partners? Let go of the romantic expectations you see in movies and in younger couples. It is exciting, and it is wonderful, but research shows that the romantic phase lasts anywhere from six months to three years. Perhaps there is an outlier couple somewhere who are still pawing at each other after 10 years, but they are the exception, not the norm.
It can be hard to let go of these expectations, but I think holding on to them only le to suffering. There is no easy way to stay connected and stay growing. It requires conscious and sustained effort. Do not believe anyone who tells you otherwise.
Let go of criticism. Seek out other friendships, rather than load your marriage partner with the job of meeting all your needs. And give your partner space to have outside friendships. Ask yourself the following question: If your spouse died tomorrow, what would you want to say today? Use this security and establishment in the service of openness , not more routines. Be honest enough not to know. This also extends to your spouse. Who is really underneath that face you know so well?
Can you grapple with these questions on your own, without resentment, and see where they lead you? The idea of solutions to problems and recipes for success is the stuff of heroic youth, where there are mountains to be conquered if only we try hard enough. Take away all of our theories, which are simply lies in search of the truth, and what really do we have left? Not much, except the people and the relationships in our life. Josh Gressel, Ph. Josh Gressel Ph. Putting Psyche Back Into Psychotherapy. What can we really expect if they do? About the Author. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist.
Back Get Help. Personality Passive Aggression Personality Shyness. Family Life Child Development Parenting. View Help Index. Do I Need Help? Back Magazine. July Who Is the True You? Back Today. Here's Why. Essential Re.In it for long term relationship
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